Snuggling seemed like a great idea when Teagan was making the transition from crib to bed (well, mattress). She had trouble staying in her bed at first, so Brandon and I would take turns laying with her at night until she fell asleep. It was supposed to be a temporary solution. Then we had a baby. Then we moved. More than a year later, we were still snuggling with her. And it wasn't sweet memories being made as we whispered tenderly to each other for a few minutes each night. It was "Shh! Go to sleep! I'm serious!" alternating with "But I'm not sleepy" and trying to creep out of the room when she showed all the signs of being unconscious, only to be asked where we were going by a mysteriously alert little girl. We got really good at rolling off the edge of the bed without making a sound (which was a lot more difficult than it sounds when you're 9 months pregnant) and knew where to step to avoid the creaky spots on the floor. I came away from our snuggling sessions frustrated with her more often than not, because she was taking longer and longer to get to sleep and I had things that she hadn't let me get to during the day that I needed to do in the shrinking amount of time left for me in the evenings. Something had to give.
So, we tried to set a deadline. With no more major life changes on the horizon, we decided together that she would be a big girl when she turned 4 - big enough to go to bed by herself. So we made a countdown chain to her birthday and reminded her every night how many more times we'd be snuggling until she fell asleep. I realize that this may sound a bit callous, but you need to know that she wasn't napping or having quiet time or spending any waking time without me with her. She needed some independence. As did I.
Things were going great - until her birthday. She was totally on board with the plan until the night of her birthday. Then all of a sudden she refused to turn 4. I reminded her that she accepted cake and presents in celebration of turning 4, so if she was still 3, she needed to return all her presents. She agreed. (Couldn't figure out a sanitary way to get the cake back, so I took the loss.) We finally talked her into accepting that time marches on and she was indeed 4 years old. C'est la vie.
But falling asleep solo did not go well. After the squillionth time she toddled down the stairs, I started to lose it. We'd deposit in her bed time after time, a little less patiently than the time before. Our standards fell slightly and we were satisfied with her just staying in her room. She'd play, she'd read, sometimes stomp around, but as long as she was in her room we didn't intervene. Sometimes it meant a lot of cleanup the following morning, but it seemed worth it to save the effort.
In the last few weeks, she's just started to get better at going to sleep by herself (I'm jinxing myself by putting this out there in the universe) and has even stopped shuffling into our bedroom in the wee hours to get in with us. She still insists that we keep the light on and the door closed, but that just means I can take some darling photos when I go in to turn off the light and close the door. I never know quite what I'll find.
The floor could be littered with books, the floor could be littered with her. That was a fun surprise. I asked her to get into bed and just to defy me, she told me she'd sleep on the floor. And so she did. I'm convinced that if I asked her to breathe, she'd hold her breath until she passed out. Defiance any way possible. She's also painted her doll and cried about it when I couldn't answer her question "Why did I paint my doll?" That was a rough night.
I did, however, make note of some of the better moments we've had around bedtime. Instances like:
- Me telling her "I love you very much". and her replying, "I love you very much too, Mom."
- She's always asking for fresh water (a bit of a diva) and I always ask her to stay in bed while I'm getting it (experience tells us she won't) and so she says, "I will stay here in my bed. I will stay right here. I listened to you." I needed to check on something later (this is when snuggling lasted more than half an hour) and she sat up straight in bed and told me "I will stay right here, just like I did when you got my water." We celebrate listening a lot around here.
- "You are my favourite." "You're my favourite too, Mom."
- She smile, leaned over, kissed me and said "I want to hold your hand." It was kind of darling.
And it's even more darling looking back now, having her snug in bed. By herself.
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